


Crossroads

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Marauders' Era, Novel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-08-17
Updated: 2007-08-17
Packaged: 2019-01-19 18:18:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12415413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: In her seventh and final year at Hogwarts, Lily Evans finds herself facing a tragedy that leaves her life in pieces. In her struggle to find her way in a suddenly unfamiliar world, she finds strength she never knew existed — both within herself and in a boy she’d always thought she’d known.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

  
Author's notes: 1  


* * *

TITLE: "Crossroads"

AUTHOR: Emmyjean (emmyjeanb@yahoo.com)

CLASSIFICATION: J/L

RATING: PG-13

SUMMARY: The long journey of James Potter and Lily Evans over the course of their last year at Hogwarts.

DISCLAIMER: Without JK Rowling, none of this would exist. Thanks to her for letting me play with her creation.

AUTHOR’S NOTES: **This fic has been REVISED AS OF JULY, 2003 to fit with Order of the Phoenix canon.  Please read details from author HERE.  **By the way…yes, I KNOW I left the character of Arabella Figg as she was in the first version!  Trust me, I wouldn’t overlook such a thing.  All shall be explained later. ;)

Prologue

_June, Fifth Year_

            "Prongs, where did you put that deck of exploding snap cards?" Sirius Black called over the noise of talking and laughing in the Gryffindor common room.  It was the end of the term, and the Gryffindor prefects had been given permission by Professor McGonagall to throw a party in celebration. There was an endless amount of food and butterbeer, much game-playing, and even a few slight mishaps...but the evening was still young.

            "I don’t know, I didn’t have them," James Potter called from his place on a couch, his arm resting casually across the shoulders of the girl he was seeing at the moment, "Ask Wormtail!"

            Peter Pettigrew turned at the sound of his nickname and raised his eyebrows. Short and stocky, he didn’t look the part of a Marauder – James, Sirius, and Remus Lupin were all tall and lean. "Is someone calling me?"

            "Yeah," Sirius grumbled, "What did you do with those cards?"

            Peter blinked, then pulled the deck out of the pocket of his trousers. Holding it out to Sirius, he asked, "Are you going to have a game?"

            "In a manner of speaking," Sirius replied cryptically, earning a suspicious look from Remus. He walked over to where James was sitting and asked, "Care for a game?"

            James eyed the deck Sirius was waving enticingly in front of his face, then smiled evilly and jumped up, the girl next to him temporarily forgotten at the prospect of causing some sort of mischief.  They cleared a space at the table nearest the window, and Sirius dealt. Remus and Peter walked over to watch, along with some other interested students. After both players had a full hand, Remus asked wryly, "What could possibly make you two start a game of cards in the middle of a party?"

            James grinned up at his friend and replied, "Think of the possibilities."

            Sirius smiled slightly at this and asked, "Hey James?"

            "Hmm?"

            "How do you reckon could we make this game more entertaining for the group of onlookers we seem to have attracted?"

            James glanced around and replied, "Huh...I don’t know. It would have to be something spectacular, to keep this lot’s attention."

            The two friends locked eyes and made their decision, grinning as they did.

            "Why do I think this is going to end badly?" Remus mumbled mildly.

             "Nonsense, Moony," James reassured, removing his wand from his pocket, "We’re only going to _enhance_ the game a bit."

            “Besides,” Sirius said, an ironic smile twisting his handsome face, “What are you going to do?  Report us?”

            At this, Lily Evans finally decided to speak up. She too was a prefect, and she felt it was her duty to say something in the way of a warning...even if the fact was that she really didn’t want to get involved.  How was she supposed to live up to the badge if she shied away from the things that were hard?  After all...she’d dealt with him and his friends before.  "Look...I don’t think you should do this. We aren’t allowed to use magic at all...it was one of the conditions to having this party."

            James and Sirius exchanged a glance, and James replied, "Oh, come on, Evans. No one has to know."

            She persisted, "I don’t think you should. It could go wrong.”

            James rolled his eyes slightly to himself and replied, "Relax, would you? I know what I’m doing."

            Turning, he eyed her for a moment before a slow smile lifted the corners of his mouth.  “Besides...it’s obvious that the things I’ve been doing so far to impress you haven’t been working.”

She narrowed her eyes at him and shook her head, embarrased as always when he did this in front of people.  It was clear they were completely different people and had nothing in common, and everyone knew that a relationship of any kind between them was a ridiculous notion...but did he have to use this knowledge to consistently make fun of her?  She knew he wasn’t serious, and that it was probably just his way of joking with her...but she couldn’t help feeling sometimes that there was a slight bit of maliciousness behind it as well.  He knew full well that it embarrassed her...and he knew that everytime he did it, he’d get a laugh.  It boosted his ego, she thought as her brows came together in a frown.  Shooting her a wink, he smiled wider and proceeded to ignore Lily’s protests, putting some kind of enchantment on the deck in front of him. Then, he grinned roguishly and put his wand away, seating himself once more.

            "What did you do?" Pettigrew asked excitedly.

            James began to shuffle and replied, "Like I said...I just enhanced the deck, that’s all."

            Sirius and James began to play, and the rest of the Gryffindors were soon roaring with laughter as it became apparent what this enhancement entailed. The cards, when they did explode, were ten times louder and released double the smoke and soot. James and Sirius were soon covered in smudges and the place smelled like someone was burning rubber. Lily, still worried about a disaster, looked on with her arms crossed, waiting for the slightest indication that this game could turn dangerous so that she could put a stop to it.  Frankly, she wished Remus Lupin would just do it...after all, he too was a prefect, and they were _his_ friends.  As she glanced at him, however, she noticed that although he didn’t seem to be abandoning himself so easily to the hilarity of the moment, he also didn’t seem too concerned.  Sighing again, she decided to just wait it out...as it was, she just couldn’t bear to ruin everyone’s fun if she didn’t have to...after all, nothing bad had happened yet.  As thought hearing her thoughts, James looked up and saw her.  Shaking his head, he assured,

            "Evans, relax. Nothing’s going to happen."

            No sooner had the words left his mouth, however, than a card shot out of Sirius’ hand. It was supposed to have exploded, but instead was behaving like some sort of wayward firecracker. Before anyone could register what had happened, the card flew straight at the long, red drapes hanging in the window and ignited them.

            James and Sirius jumped up, as did many other students, amidst screams and yells. Lily, however, was the one who got there first. She reached up and ripped the curtains from their rods. As they came tumbling down around her, still blazing, she felt a searing pain in her right arm. Not having time to think about it, she and a few other students who had come to her aid worked to put the fire out before it spread. At last, the fire itself was extinguished, although the room was even more full of smoke than it was before. Lily heard someone open a window, and then someone started to laugh.

            It was Sirius Black. Soon, he was roaring with laughter at the entire spectacle, and James joined him wholeheartedly. A few others began to titter, and it wasn’t long before the entire student population of Gryffindor tower was in hysterics. Lily wasn’t concerned about this right now, however...she was attempting to examine her throbbing arm through the haze of smoke in front of her.

            "What’s the matter, Lily?" came a voice from beside her. It was her friend, Helen Knowles.

            "I’m not sure...I think it’s hurt," she replied, motioning at her forearm.

            "We need to get to the hospital wing, then," Arabella Figg, her other best friend, said while casting a glare in the direction of James and Sirius, "That was completely irresponsible."

            Lily shushed her, not wanting to cause a scene, and the three of them slipped unnoticed out the portrait hole and up through the corridors of Hogwarts until they reached the hospital wing. The school nurse, Madam Pomfrey, came bustling over to see what was the matter. She tutted when she saw Lily’s burn, and scooted her over to sit on a bed. Lily smiled slightly...it seemed Madam Pomfrey had been there forever.

            "Miss Evans, this is nothing other than a nasty burn, but how in the world did you get it?"

            Lily cast a glance at Arabella, who widened her eyes a bit in encouragement. She was of no help...she would have relished getting the Marauders in trouble for this. However, it was Lily who would have to live with it if she did.  Why hadn’t she just put a stop to it when she had the chance? "Umm...well, we were having a party in the common room, and there was a small...er, mishap," she replied vaguely.

            The old nurse would not be put off, however.

            "A mishap? In the form of a fire, you mean?" she asked knowingly, a frown marring her brow as she applied cool paste to the burn. It truly did look like a horrible wound.

            Lily hesitated, then decided it would be no good trying to lie about it. She nodded, and Madam Pomfrey stood up, clasping her hands tightly in front of her.

            "Miss Evans, I’m sure I don’t have to stress to you the importance of my reporting this incident to the head of your house. Being a prefect, you must know that I am obligated to..."

            "Oh, please," Lily cut her off, desperately. She couldn’t bear to think about what those boys would do if they thought she told on them. She didn’t get along very well with James Potter as it was.  "You don’t have to do that. It was only an accident..."

            "An accident undoubtedly caused by magic, and I happen to know for a fact that magic was forbidden at this particular gathering."

            Lily shook her head firmly, knowing even now that it was futile but unable to simply give up, "Really, I’m fine. I don’t wish to report it...please, I’ll take care of it myself..."

            "I’m afraid that is impossible," Madam Pomfrey said with a finality that made Lily’s heart sink, "You might very well have been hurt much worse, not to mention other students who were put in danger. I won’t ask you to give me names, Miss Evans...but I _must_ report it."

            Lily let out her breath in one hopeless sigh, and her shoulders sank. After promising Madam Pomfrey that she’d keep her bandage on overnight, she and her friends walked out of the infirmary. Helen didn’t say much, but Arabella spoke up.

            "Lily, it’s the only right thing to do, and you know it. They were way out of line."

            "That’s easy for you to say, Bella," Lily replied, " _You’re_ not going to have to deal with the consequences."

            "Consequences?"

            Lily sighed again in frustration. "It’s not as if I get along very well with James Potter and his friends _now_."

            Arabella snorted, and they argued back and forth on it for a few moments without reaching any sort of agreement. Eventually, they reached the tower, and to Lily’s utter dismay were met by Professor McGonagall climbing out of the portrait hole.

            "Miss Evans, may I have a word with you please?"

            Arabella and Helen looked sympathetically at Lily before heading inside. Lily stood before the professor, trying to hide her bandage with the sleeve of her robes. McGonagall noticed and said sharply,

            "No need to hide it from me, Miss Evans. I know all about it from Madam Pomfrey."

            Lily looked at the floor and grimaced. News traveled quickly around this school.

            "Miss Evans," McGonagall continued, "I have no one to punish in this instance, although a grave offense has been committed. You have not given us any names, and I must say I disapprove...you are not acting the part of a prefect."

            Lily didn’t know how to respond to this, so she kept silent and waited for her to continue. After a moment, she did.

            "If you are willing to let the ones responsible go unpunished, that is your decision...but I hope that in the future, you will try and put your duties first.  That is...if you want to be considered for the position of Head Girl one day."

            As McGonagall walked briskly away, Lily closed her eyes and thought that perhaps she might kill herself when she got up to her dorm. Frankly, she didn’t know why she was being spoken to so strictly...it wasn’t as if she had caused the fire. She was a victim of circumstance in this case, and no one seemed to understand that. She stepped slowly forward and gave the Fat Lady the password, but what she saw when the portrait swung open made her reconsider her options – perhaps it would be better if she just killed herself right now.

            James Potter sat there, scowling at her as she came through the opening. She shivered quite involuntarily...she had never quite gotten along with him as well as everyone else, but she had never seen his eyes so cold before.

            Yet at the same time, they burned with rage.

            "What good did you expect it to do, may I ask?" he spat as she started to walk toward the stairs. She stopped, sensing that he wanted a fight...and he was going to get one. She didn’t respond, trying desperately to come up with something to say in her defense. After all, the situation did look pretty incriminating. He let out a derisive laugh behind her and went on,

            "I knew you were stuck-up and swotty, Evans...everyone did.  I could’ve overlooked those as minor character flaws. It was just somehow surprising that you would be a rat as well."

            Lily spun around, feeling her neck burn as anger swept through her. How dare he say these things to her when he didn’t even know what had happened? In any case...he was the one who caused the mess in the first place. He and his stupid, careless friends.

            "If I recall correctly," she shot back, "YOU were the one who started this whole thing! If you hadn’t been so predictably arrogant..."

            "You can afford to be bloody arrogant sometimes if you know how to handle a situation!" he yelled, surprising her, "But you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you? You’re the most ineffective prefect I’ve ever seen...maybe that’s why you feel you need to run and fetch a professor every time something happens."

            "I’m ineffective?" she sputtered, unable to believe her ears, "You caused a fire in the common room, Potter! That’s not exactly what I would call ‘handling a situation’!"

            " _I’m_ not a prefect...besides, it was nothing and you know it. It got put out in two seconds, if that," he said irritably.

She struggled to think of something to say...she wasn’t good with words in the same way he was. She wasn’t as quick of a thinker, and it was a disadvantage in this situation. "What are you so worked up about, anyway? You didn’t get in trouble, did you?"

He raised an eyebrow at her and said, "McGonagall’s not happy with the prefects right now, as you were supposed to be monitoring the use of magic. She’ll probably never let us have another bloody party in here again, thanks to you...not to mention the fact that Remus’ll probably get in some kind of trouble."

            "Well, maybe he _should_ , then!  You weren’t supposed to be using magic at all! Someone could’ve gotten hurt! Can’t you see that?" she replied in her most firm tone, unconsciously rubbing at her hidden wound as she did.

            He snorted and replied, "Come on...don’t be daft."

            She was about to retort when he held up a hand. "I really don’t feel like talking to you anymore, Evans. You just go on up to bed, and dream about what it would be like if you actually had some influence around here. Go on."

            As she stood there, dumbstruck by his blunt insults the likes of which she’d never heard from him before, he considered her for a moment longer and then let out a hollow little laugh.  Shaking his head and messing his hair, he commented, “You know what I just figured out?  You were _not_ worth the effort.”

            She felt her eyes begin to burn in frustration as she turned to huff away, but before she went even halfway up the stairs she turned back and said quietly, "You know, Potter...you needn’t be so smug.  This is exactly what lost you that prefect’s badge, but I guess we should all be thanking you for that, shouldn’t we?  Otherwise we might have been stuck with you actually _having_ power instead of just thinking you do because you happen to be popular.  You’re an egotistical, insolent, overconfident git...nothing more."

            She turned and hurried the rest of the way up to the dorms, where her friends were no doubt waiting to hear what had happened...and for once, she noted that James Potter was left speechless. 

            From that night on, James Potter and Lily Evans held each other in the utmost contempt and loathing. They only spoke to each other when it was absolutely necessary, and even then conversation was short and often curt. This made it all the more abominable for them both – and alarming for the Hogwarts students and faculty – when, in a decision that somewhat shocked the school, James Potter was made prefect in their sixth year...  

...and then he and Lily were made Head Boy and Girl in their seventh year.

**To Be Continued in Chapter One**

More Fic by Emmyjean at

The Hidden Tower

www.hiddentower.50megs.com 


	2. Irreconcilable Differences

TITLE: "Crossroads"

AUTHOR: Emmyjean (emmyjeanb@yahoo.com)

CLASSIFICATION: J/L

RATING: PG-13

SUMMARY: In her seventh and final year at Hogwarts, Lily Evans finds herself facing a tragedy that leaves her life in pieces.  In her struggle to find her way in a suddenly unfamiliar world, she finds strength she never knew existed – both within herself and in a boy she’d always thought she’d known.

DISCLAIMER: Without JK Rowling, none of this would exist. Thanks to her for letting me play with her creation.

AUTHOR’S NOTES: **This fic has been REVISED AS OF JULY, 2003 to fit with Order of the Phoenix canon.  Please read details from author HERE.  **By the way…yes, I KNOW I left the character of Arabella Figg as she was in the first version!  Trust me, I wouldn’t overlook such a thing.  All shall be explained later. ;)

** CHAPTER ONE:  Irreconcilable Differences **

_Mid-October, Seventh Year_

Lily Evans walked into Professor McGonagall's office and greeted her, taking her usual chair in front of the desk. Glancing at the other empty chair beside her, she rolled her eyes...Potter was late again. It was unbelievable, the irony of it all...how does someone who misbehaves as much as he and his friends do every day become Head Boy? 

"Miss Evans, did you happen to _see_ Mr. Potter on your way up?" McGonagall asked crisply. Lily shook her head in the negative, but didn't say anything. She was afraid that if she opened her mouth, she would launch into a tirade about all the things that were wrong with James Potter - and she knew very well that McGonagall had a soft spot for him. Probably just because he's the best chaser on the house Quidditch team. Personally, Lily thought the school placed far too much emphasis on that game.  Just as McGonagall glanced irritatedly at the clock, the door opened and the Head Boy in question walked in as if he had all the time in the world. McGonagall pursed her lips at him, but before she could say anything, he flashed her a smile and said simply,

"Sorry, professor...got held up at practice."

McGonagall softened, just as she always did, and Lily thought she might be sick. How was it that everyone could like this boy when he was so obviously full of himself? Lily wished for the millionth time that they were reporting directly to the Headmaster every week instead of McGonagall...perhaps then Potter wouldn’t be so smug about his disregard for the precious time other people spent waiting for him all the time.

"Well then, Potter...I expect to see results in next week's game. Sit."

He took his place next to Lily, and neither of them spared the other a glance. It was common knowledge that they didn't get along very well, and so there was no use in keeping up pretenses. McGonagall shuffled her papers and then looked at them expectantly. "Well? Any problems this week?"

Lily and James both shook their heads, and James spoke first.  "Not too many points taken this week, Professor...but the students of Gryffindor have been inquiring about permission to have a party in the Common Room at the end of the term."

Lily rolled her eyes...again with this party! The end of the term wasn't for two months, and already people were going to be shirking their duties in anticipation of it without adding a party to the mix.

"Professor," she broke in, "I must add that I don't think this is such a good idea."

McGonagall looked at her expectantly as James sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair. Without looking at him, Lily continued stoically,

"In light of what happened at the last end-of-term party Gryffidor was allowed..."

"An incident which was completely beyond anyone's control," James interrupted infuriatingly.

"...I don't think we should be sending the message that such behavior is acceptable by allowing another party to take place."

McGonagall nodded sagely, her eyes narrowed in thought, and replied, "Yes, I see your point Miss Evans. The incident with the curtains catching fire is fresh in my mind as well, I assure you."

"A fact which _Miss_ Evans is quite aware of but has apparently forgotten to point out," James continued in a highly condascending tone, "is that the students of Gryffindor have been on excellent behavior all term, and they should be rewarded somehow. You said it yourself, Professor. And anyway, all this happened nearly two years ago!"

Lily stiffened at his tone and countered, "This may be...however, I believe the incident with the fire nevertheless demonstrates the kind of loss of control that can happen at these parties..."

"Oh, why do you have to act this way about _everything_?" James spat at her suddenly.

"Act like what, a Head Girl?" Lily defended herself vehemently, "At least I take my responsibilities seriously..."

"And I don't, is that what you're implying?"

"No one is _implying_ anything," she replied.

He narrowed his eyes dangerously and was about to retort, but McGonagall suddenly stood up and held out a hand, silencing them both.

"Honestly, I don't know what to do with you two. _Never_ in the history of Hogwarts has there been a Head Boy and Girl who clashed so appalingly and so often as you do. How is anything ever going to get done if you can't agree on anything?"

They didn't reply, but they didn't apologize, either. James crossed his arms and took up a rather defiant pose...how typical of him, Lily thought angrily.

McGonagall eyed them for a moment more, and then sighed.

"Well, I don't suppose there's anything anyone can do about it...but I would ask that from now on, when you come to my office for the Friday report, you keep a civil tone. That goes for BOTH of you...understand?"

They nodded, and she then dismissed them both, promising to think about granting permission for the party...a decision which didn't please either one of them. Once outside, Lily felt her insides twist as she saw that James' friends were waiting for him in the hall. She hated them as much as she hated him - they were all insufferable jerks. She started walking swiftly back to the common room, wishing that her own friends had come to meet her. Now she had to put up with the four of them walking behind her the entire way.

"Well?" Sirius Black asked as he stepped forward, his black eyes glittering in the torchlight, "What did she say?"

"She didn't say anything," James snapped back.

"Didn't you ask her?" whined Peter Pettigrew. Lily didn't know why, but the sound of his voice gave her the creeps.

James gave a bitter huff of laughter, and Lily held her breath...she knew what was coming.

"Yeah, I asked her...only I was thwarted by Head Girl extraordinaire, here."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, his voice now annoyed. Lily began to walk faster, but didn't want it to seem she was running away from them - although she couldn't think of anything she would like to do more right now.

"Oh, you know, the usual," James continued in a mocking tone, " _Miss_ Evans expressed her extreme disapproval of any sort of fun, and promptly made the entire thing much harder than it needed to be."

Lily cringed slightly as she heard a chorus of frustrated male sighs, and then cursed herself for doing it. Why did she even care what they thought of her?

"Great," Sirius muttered, and she had a feeling he would have said more had they not arrived at the portrait hole. Lily looked up at the Fat Lady and gave her the password, and she obligingly swung open.

"What's the matter, Evans?" she heard James say from behind her, "Aren't you going to give her a detention for opening too slowly?"

She heard the others laugh, and she stepped through the opening with her cheeks burning, not giving him the satisfaction of looking around to face him. She went straight over to her friends, Helen Knowles and Arabella Figg, who could tell immediately by the look on her face that the meeting had not gone well. 

"What happened, Lily?" Helen asked, her doe-like brown eyes glancing shyly at the group of boys who had followed her friend in. They were now sitting in a corner, talking and laughing loudly with a few other students.

Lily smiled lightly and muttered, "Oh, just a little bout of Head Girl Syndrome."

Arabella sighed heavily and glared over at where James and his friends were sitting. Lily mimicked Arabella’s sigh dramatically, causing Helen to laugh and Arabella to direct her attention back to them. She smiled half-heartedly and said,

"Well, excuse me if I’m actually bothered by the way those fools treat you."

Lily shook her head and replied, "Why do you let it bother you so much? I don’t let it bother me...well, for the most part."

"I don’t understand that!" Bella exclaimed, and then added more quietly, "I mean, you have to deal with _him_ every day."

She said "him" as though she were talking about the most revolting creature to ever live, and Lily smiled slightly at this even as she gave Bella a reproachful look and corrected,

"Not every day...he doesn’t show up to most of the meetings, if you’ll recall."

Arabella sighed again and replied testily, "Well, fine then...if you’re willing to treat it as anything other than a complete lack of respect..."

"I don’t," Lily insisted firmly, the determined set of her jaw matching that of her friend’s, "I just hate talking about it over and over, that’s all. Why can’t we just leave it? If I have to deal with Potter in my duties as Head Girl, then I’d rather not bring him into my spare time."

Arabella nodded and held up her hands as if in surrender, "Alright...you’ve made your point."

Lily sat back in her chair, thankful that the subject was closed. She thought briefly about what Arabella had said...the truth was, James Potter’s blatant disrespect for her bothered her very much. She would never let on to anyone else, but her insecurity in her position had always been that she was Muggle-born, and some students had certain "misgivings" about this. Potter should have been her backup, as he was from one of the most prestigious full-blooded wizarding families in England, but instead he thwarted her authority every chance he got. Still, there was no use complaining about it...it was how it was, and there wasn’t anything she could do to change the situation. They simply didn’t like each other, and that was that.

Still, she couldn't stand the fact that James Potter was technically at an equal level with her, and yet she did ten times the work he did. How did he manage to get perfect scores when he seemingly didn't work even two hours a week on assignments? Lily grudgingly resigned herself to the answer. It was the same answer she came up with every time she asked this particular question. It was because he was smart - very smart. Maybe even brilliant. Everything came easily to him...high exam scores, friends, sporting ability. It wasn’t that she was jealous of James Potter...not at all. She simply resented the fact that he was given half of the credit when she was the one who did all the work, and there was no way she could make anybody else understand that. After all, who would believe her?

In any case, she didn’t technically mind having to do all the work herself. She would have liked someone to help her occasionally, but only if it was someone she felt she could trust and who she didn’t mind being with on a daily basis. James Potter was not someone could count on...even if everyone else in the world felt they could. As it was, she almost preferred the arrangement they had...she did the work for both of them, and they were spared time they would have been forced to spend together. It was a fair trade, Lily thought.

She decided abruptly that she didn't want to think about it anymore, and forcibly pushed it from her mind. No matter how she tried, though, she couldn't block their laughter coming from the other side of the room...or the horrible paranoia that they were always laughing at her.

~~

That Wednesday, Lily pushed her way through the doors of the library with some difficulty...her arms were laden with books and papers. Impatiently blowing her hair out of her face, she shuffled quickly over to the librarian’s desk and set the pile down.

"Hello, Mrs. Hoodwinkle," she smiled at the elderly lady as she began to separate the books she was returning from the ones she needed to keep.

"Good evening, Lily. How has your week been?"

Lily answered politely that her week had been fine, even though it had been absolutely horrid. She had been after the prefects to hand in their suggestion forms all month, as she was supposed to put them all together and hand them in to the headmaster on Monday...and of course, they had all bombarded her with them at the last minute. Now, she was going to have to do that in addition to the weekly points tally - something she did every Wednesday as part of her duties as Head Girl. This was what she reported to Professor McGonagall each Friday. She was supposed to be aided in this duty by Head Boy, but she always ended up doing it alone. It had come to be an unspoken agreement between them that this was how things were done. Shuffling her papers, she stuck them a bit haphazardly into a book and turned to walk to her usual table.

"Oh, Lily?"

She whirled to face the librarian, her eyebrows raised in question. To her dismay, the woman held out yet another stack of papers.

"You’ll want Mr. Potter’s things as well, won’t you?"

Lily seethed inwardly as she resolutely stuck her quill in her mouth and reached out with her free hand to grab the sheets Mrs. Hoodwinkle was holding out. As much as she had come to accept the way things were done, she could never quite squelch the first stab of anger every week when she was handed Potter’s disorganized, haphazard pile of notes. The woman smiled, her cheeks rosy as she commented,

"Really, dear...it’s very nice of you to do all this for Mr. Potter every week. He seems like such a nice boy, too."

Lily smiled stiffly around the quill clamped in her mouth and nodded, thinking that the woman needed better eyeglasses. Walking to her table, however, she thought that it wasn’t entirely poor Mrs. Hoodwinkle’s fault. Setting her things down, she sighed as she wondered yet again why she couldn’t simply be like everyone else for a change. Then, at the very least, she would have less to worry about. 

Truthfully, though, she almost liked the time alone. Often she would sit and stare pensively out the window after she was finished with her work, thinking about random, silly things. There was precious little time she could spend on that these days, and she took advantage of the opportunity when it became available. Sighing again and pushing her hair behind her ears, she turned to face the pile of work she needed to finish before she could indulge in any sort of relaxing. All in all, it was just a normal Wednesday evening.

At the end of the week, Lily arrived considerably early for the meeting in McGonagall’s office, and the professor wasn’t there yet when she arrived. Clutching her heavy pile of papers and books from her last class, she sat on the floor, took out a quill, and began making some last minute notations on the report she was to turn in today. After a few moments, she heard footsteps coming down the corridor. She started to collect her things, thinking it was McGonagall, but she rolled her eyes slightly as she realized the footsteps were too heavy to belong to the professor.

She looked up just as Potter came around the corner. He almost tripped over her, not having seen her sitting there, and gave her an exasperated look as she stood up. She raised an eyebrow at him, and he asked curtly,

"Where is she?"

"Professor McGonagall?" she asked, knowing perfectly well who he meant but feeling some kind of odd resentment on the professor’s behalf at his having addressed her merely as "she". He gave her a look that told her clearly what he thought of this, and she added, "I don’t know...she should be here any minute."

He turned away with a sigh and slumped against the wall directly across from her, his gaze directed down the corridor. She wished he hadn’t gotten there so early, because now she had to stand...she didn’t know why, but she felt somehow awkward sitting on the floor while he stood. They didn’t make small talk – there was no point, as neither one cared enough to ask. After what was thankfully a short time, McGonagall appeared and ushered them into her office. She looked in a hurry tonight, so Lily handed her the report quickly and prayed she would simply let them go. She had some studying to do that night, even though it was Friday.

"Well, I’m not going to keep you two today...I have a meeting with the other House heads, but I have a little matter to briefly discuss."

They both remained standing, and after a moment of shuffling her papers, McGonagall went on,

"I have decided against allowing the Gryffindor party."

Lily didn’t know whether she was glad to hear this or not. It was true that she had lobbied against the party in the first place, but she dreaded what would happen once she and Potter got out of this room and away from McGonagall’s watchful eye. She glanced briefly at Potter and found him staring at the ceiling, his jaw ticking in anger. There would be hell to pay, that was certain.

"I do not believe," McGonagall continued, "That we need the extra stress of whatever may happen at a gathering like that in addition to the problems we all are already being forced to deal with...both stemming from _within_ the school and from without."

She cast a meaningful glance at the two of them, and then finished, "I don’t believe you two are capable of holding it together, in short. Perhaps by the end of the spring term, if I see a change in your ability to work together, we’ll discuss this again. Dismissed."

Lily turned and walked out the door, the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end at the knowledge that James was right behind her. She supposed it was some long forgotten defense mechanism. Still...she wasn’t afraid of him in the least. As predicted, the minute the door had clicked shut behind them, James started in on her.

"Great, Evans...just lovely. I hope you’re bloody happy!"

She rounded on him, almost relishing the fight that was about to begin. She could handle him alone...it was just when he had his entourage with him that she got frustrated.

"Don’t try to pin this on me, Potter. Everything that’s preventing that party is YOUR fault."

His eyebrows shot up and he retorted, "My fault? You’re the one who had to open your mouth and make an issue out of nothing. Just as always...you’re really very predictable."

She laughed a mirthless laugh, and his eyes darkened in anger. Apparently, he didn’t like being laughed at either.

"Potter, you’re daft. YOU caused the fire at the last party we had, YOU are the reason we’ve gotten a bad reputation with McGonagall this year. You can’t take your duties seriously enough to even show up in the library ONCE a week!"

"Is that right?" he spat, his voice low and dangerous.

"Yes!" she practically yelled, "It’s the truth."

"Why would I, or anyone else," he ground out, "want to spend hours sitting with some bluenosed, stuck-up prude in the bloody library? I’m surprised you have any friends at all, you..."

Before he could finish the insult, she cut in, "Don’t you dare go anywhere beyond that. I don’t want to hear another word come out of your mouth for the next MONTH."

He sneered at her and replied, "Well, that’s too bad, because we have that prefect meeting next week."

She feigned surprise and said, "Oh, are you actually going to grace us with your presence?"

"I’ve never missed one," he replied smugly.

"Well," she said, turning to go, "It’s only a matter of time now, isn’t it?"

She walked away, trying to think of the worst possible scenario for the meeting next week so that she could prepare herself. She supposed it would be okay...at least she got the last word back there. Anyway, at least forty percent of the prefects were always on her side when they got into fights at these meetings. Luckily, she didn’t have to suffer an encounter with him until the following week at the meeting, besides some little incidents here and there stemming from his resentment of the party issue. As usual, she got there early, and he was the last to arrive.

"Quiet, please! Quiet!" Lily called over the din of the crowd seated at a now-empty table in the Great Hall. She glanced irritably at James, who was lounging a few paces away from her and not bothering to help.

"Alright," she began when everyone was settled down, "Let’s get through everything fast. The more time we waste, the longer we have to be here, and I’m sure no one wants that."

"I wouldn’t bet on it," James muttered, sending a chorus of hushed laughter and not-so-hushed tutting through the room. Lily glared at him and said,

"Well, maybe _you’d_ like to preside, then?"

He barely glanced up as he commented insolently, "Naw, Evans...I wouldn’t want to take away your only joy in life."

She felt her insides coil in hatred for every black hair on his smug head, and went on before she could say anything else to provoke a full-out fight.

"Now, the first order of business...did someone from the Ravenclaws have something to say?"

A sixth-year Ravenclaw prefect stood up and scanned the room, his eyes narrowing as he began, "This isn’t something I was hoping I’d have to bring up here, but the situation has gotten way out of hand. We’ve had too many reports coming in this week of various members of the Slytherin house seeking out Muggle-borns for harrassment."

Lily frowned, the accusation hitting her hard.

"What sort of harrassment, Tom?" she asked, concerned.

He turned to her, knowing she would be sympathetic, and replied, "Various things...mostly little, but who knows where it could lead if it isn’t stopped now."

"Have the perpitrators admitted that they were driven by discrimination against Muggle-borns?" James broke in, standing now and looking serious.

Tom, the Ravenclaw prefect, shifted his weight from one side to the other.

"Well, no...but..."

"It’s obvious!" another prefect, this one a Hufflepuff fifth-year named Ursula, interrupted, "The students who are members of full-blooded families are always left alone."

James nodded reasonably and replied, "I imagine it _is_ obvious, but unless we have proof, we can’t do much about it."

A Slytherin seventh-year drawled, "Such a shame, too," causing the other Slytherin prefects to snicker and James to shoot them a look. Lily, however, was still smarting at the implication of bigotry, and had her gaze locked on James.

"I think there should be _something_ we can do about it," she contradicted adamantly. He turned to her, looking slightly annoyed, and replied,

"Evans, don’t let personal feelings get in the way of your job. You know we can’t..."

"It’s our job to make sure the students of this school are safe!" she interrupted, "I don’t understand why you assume this can’t be dealt with in a manner which..."

"Look," he broke in, his apparent frustration mounting, "We’ll keep taking points like we always do, but until someone says something that can be clearly construed as a bigoted remark, there’s nothing possible beyond that to be done."

She sighed and rolled her eyes, knowing deep-down that he was right but thinking she’d rather eat her foot than admit this in front of the Slytherins. 

"Alright, fine...but let it be understood," she moved on, narrowing her eyes at the smug Slytherins, "that the situation is being monitored."

The two other prefects reclaimed their seats, pacified for the moment, and James also sat back down. Lily remained standing and moved the meeting along. They discussed various insignificant things, from a broken common room window in the Hufflepuff dorm to an issue of exemption for the no-magic-in-the-corridors rule. Just as she thought they had gotten through everything, a Hufflepuff sixth-year named Sheila Higgins spoke up.

"I have one more thing to address, if you don’t mind, Lily," she asked, and Lily nodded at her to go ahead. She turned to face the room and said,

"I know this is going to sound a bit...odd, but I think we should have time slots organized for use of the prefect’s bathroom. I’ve heard a lot of the...er, the female prefects complain about lack of privacy, and a few have even been walked in on."

A Slytherin called Edmund broke in, "I personally don’t think that’s possible. We can’t arrange time slots for every single individual prefect!"

"That’s not what I meant," Sheila retorted impatiently, "I just think the time should be divided between boys and girls, so there’s no danger of..."

"Can I strongly veto this idea in the interest of...well, interest?" a Ravenclaw named Will Church piped up jokingly. The other males in the room laughed good-naturedly – including Head Boy – as Sheila Higgins’ face went bright red and she cast her eyes to the floor. Lily suddenly became quite angry at the reception this girl’s suggestion was receiving. 

"I for one," Lily put in, "think it’s a perfectly sound idea, and I can’t believe it’s never come up before."

Will Church groaned and eyed Lily in what she knew was an innocent, playful manner as he responded, "Aw, come on...let’s not ruin all our fun!"

The other boys laughed again, and the girls rolled their eyes. James stood up and said, "Will, you have to understand...ruining people’s fun is what Miss Evans does best."

For a moment she had thought that he was about to stand up for her, but what had ended up coming out of his mouth was making her see red. She abandoned all hope of keeping her temper under control as she turned to him and bit out,

"Just because you can’t bring yourself to actually _care_ about anything doesn’t mean you have to humiliate people over it! I think it was a good idea."

James smile disappeared from his face and his eyes clouded with anger...he looked furious, and she knew it was leftover ire from earlier that day. He responded,

"I thought it was a good idea as well, so don’t try and make me look like an ass. Miss Higgins knows none of us were being serious."

Sheila Higgins’ eyes darted from James to Lily, terrified someone was going to ask her to take a side. Lily didn’t even think of this, however, as she went on,

"Well, that didn’t stop you from putting her through the ringer, did it? How long were you going to make her stand up there in front of everyone, being made to look silly?"

"No one was making her look silly, Evans!" he practically shouted, pointing a finger at the still-frightened Sheila, "You’re just having some kind of problem with it because you have no sense of humor, and everyone knows it."

Lily felt her face burn with unbridled fury, and she took a step closer to Potter as she yelled back, "You wouldn’t know, would you? I stand up here and try to keep things going, and all you can do is sit there pretending that you make some kind of difference at these meetings. Why don’t you just stay away from the next one...I doubt you’d be missed."

His eyes flared for a moment, and then he turned to the prefects...they were all sitting, silent and wide-eyed, waiting for some direction. James gave it to them.

"You can all go."

They stood up and left so quickly you’d think someone had yelled fire. Then again, that’s practically what this was, she thought as James turned back to her.

"You’ve just made a spectacle of yourself."

"YOU have made a spectacle of the BOTH of us. When are you planning on growing up, Potter?"

He laughed bitterly and replied, "If growing up means I’ll have to adopt personality traits that even remotely resemble yours, then I’ll NEVER do it."

"Well, then you’re right on track," she countered, her cheeks probably glowing pink.

He stepped back and regarded her silently for a moment, then shook his head and said, "You know? I take that back."

She blinked, and before she could say anything he finished, "You don’t HAVE a personality."

With that, he turned and stormed out of the room, calling sarcastically over his shoulder as he left, "Maybe that’s why it’s always _such_ a pleasure being with you, Evans."

Lily watched as he walked out of the Great Hall doors, and to her chagrin she couldn’t think of anything to say in retaliation. All she could do was stand there and remind herself over and over again that he was wrong...he didn’t know her. She was only doing her duty. She did have a sense of humor...her friends knew that quite well. She couldn’t help wondering, however, why his comments still hurt, even if she knew he didn’t know what he was talking about. 

Deciding that it would be pointless to keep thinking about it, she gathered up her notes and papers and left the Hall, wondering how she was ever going to get through the year.

~~

"Now then...can anyone tell me the incantation for the temporary resizing of objects?"

Lily promptly raised her hand in the air, and Flitwick's eyes lit up as he called on her delightedly, "Yes, Miss Evans?"

"It's grandiosa, or if you're shrinking, minimosa."

"Good! Take five points for Gryffindor, Miss Evans."

The other Gryffindors in her class smiled at her as they always did in Charms...it was her best subject, and she always earned points for the house from Flitwick. If McGonagall had a soft spot for James Potter, then it was Flitwick who kept one for her. She was about to go back to her note-taking when she heard Sirius Black's voice behind her say softly,

"Why is it that some people always seem to have something to prove?"

Lily felt anger bubble up in her chest and she whirled her head around, only to see the Marauders - the stupid nickname the group had earned somehow - sitting behind her. Sirius was gazing at her with contempt, Peter was giggling silently, James was smirking at Sirius...but Remus Lupin was not smiling at all. He stared at Lily for a moment, a look in his eyes she couldn't identify but knew she hadn't expected to see. He turned to Sirius and said in a low voice,

"Stop it. A lot of people have to prove themselves around here, or have you forgotten?"

Black looked over at him in surprise, a flash of guilt crossing his features. The other two stopped smiling and looked suddenly uncomfortable...and suddenly Lily realized she had barely ever heard Remus speak. He was known as the quiet one of the bunch, and for a moment she considered that perhaps he wasn't all that bad - but then she remembered the company he kept, and turned back to her own work.

After class, she summoned her courage and walked up to Sirius Black...she couldn't let this kind of thing go unpunished, especially since she was Head Girl. She needed to assert her authority and show them that she wasn't going to lie back and take their verbal abuse.

"Black?"

He turned and looked at her, scorn written all over his face.

"I'm taking five points from Gryffindor for insubordination."

He looked torn between laughing out loud and strangling her, and the students who were standing nearby stopped and looked on in shock. James, Peter, and Remus turned as well, and were staring at her with mixed expressions.

"What are you trying to..." Black began, but James cut him off.

"She's right, Sirius...and since you took it so well, I'm awarding you with five points."

Lily stared open mouthed at James while he and Sirius looked on in triumph. A few students around them began to giggle, and Lily found it hard to stand up straight suddenly.

"You can't do that," she said furiously to him.

"Oh, I can," he replied, fingering his Head Boy badge, "And I did. Come on, let's go."

He and his friends walked away, all laughing softly...except for Lupin. He caught Lily's gaze before he turned to follow his friends, and she thought she saw a hint of support in them. Something resembling an apology. While she thought it was nice of him, his apologies didn't mean anything.

He hadn't done anything to her. 

She walked back to the common room - or at least, that must have been what happened, although for the life of her she couldn't remember getting there. All she knew was that she was now sitting in a chair in front of the huge fireplace, feeling as though she was going to be sick with frustration. It always had to be something...it was really starting to get on her nerves, too. It had been bad enough last year, when they were merely prefects, but this year was fifty times worse. She decided that next time, she wasn’t going to let it happen…he would never do that to her in front of people again. Never.

A few days later, Lily was walking swiftly down the Hall between classes. It was lunch time, and she wanted to get down to the Great hall as quickly as possible to finish up some homework she didn’t get done the night before for Transfiguration. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a couple of fifth-years using their wands to torment some girls in front of them. It looked like they were doing something to their hair, and even though the girls were laughing, Lily knew what she had to do.

"Hey!" she called, causing the culprits to nearly drop their wands in alarm. The girls scurried away before they got in trouble as well, and Lily didn’t care. She wasn’t out to get everyone in hot water, just to enforce neccesary rules. "You aren’t supposed to be using magic in the corridors, you know."

The boys glanced at each other and nodded, and she said quietly, "Sorry, boys, but I’m gonna have to take ten points for that from Gryffindor."

"Ten points?" said a voice from behind her which, unfortunately, she recognized as James’, "Isn’t that a little much, Evans?"

She turned to find him standing there with his awful friend Sirius Black, and they were both looking at her as though she was the one who had done something wrong. Her face was growing hot, and she knew soon it would be as red as her hair. 

"No, I don’t," she replied as calmly as she could...she didn’t want a fight right now, she was too busy, "Five points from each is very fair."

Potter cast a look at Black, and then he regarded the two boys knowingly, declaring, "I think five points total is fine. Go on."

"Oh, no you don’t!" Lily lost her temper, her knuckles throbbing as she gripped her books hard, "I said five points from _each_ , and that’s what will be taken. Understand?"

He narrowed his hazel eyes at her and replied, "I don’t think so. It’s too much...go throw your weight around somewhere else."

This was it. Lily was about to open her mouth to loudly tell him off, but she was interrupted unexpectedly by a very familiar female voice.

"How DARE you, you insufferable prat!"

Lily spun around and to her horror found Arabella standing behind her, looking about ready to sprout fangs. Her blue eyes were flashing, and her cheeks were bright pink...Lily had to admit, she looked slightly intimidating.

"Bella..." she warned, but James interrupted in an angry, slightly amused tone.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard what I said," she said coldly, and went on, "I would have said more, but there are younger students in this corridor who don’t need to LEARN the names I’d call you!"

There was a tittering of laughter, and the amusement vanished from Potter’s eyes. He was about to say something, as was Lily, but then a fourth voice broke in.

"What he means is," Sirius Black growled at Arabella, "Why the hell are _you_ getting involved?"

"Why are YOU?" Bella snapped back, her eyes darting to Black’s face. It held the darkest expression Lily had ever seen. Suddenly, something inside her gave, and she didn’t care what it looked like or who was watching.

"Oh, this is perfect," she railed at James, ignoring the ensuing fight between Arabella and Black, "You must delight in starting bitter arguments. Honestly, what in the world is the matter with you?"

His brows snapped together, and he stepped intimidatingly close to her as he bit back, "Me? I think it’s FUNNY that you’re asking me that. Absolutely hilarious. You’re the one who lives to show off her shiny Head Girl badge...as if it means anything pinned on you. No one even listens to you anymore, given the amount of nagging you do on a daily basis for even the smallest..."

"What!?" she hurled the word at him, not caring to hear the rest of his little speech, "You’re the reason for THAT! And at least I stand behind the badge and not on TOP of it!"

"What is that supposed to mean?" he asked cuttingly.

She raised her eyebrows and her voice, trying somewhat unsuccessfully yo be heard over the shouting match going on between Arabella and Sirius Black, "You USE your position to get the things you want, but you don’t ever uphold anything it stands for! You accuse ME of being ineffective, but you’re so lenient I haven’t even had a chance to SEE if your influence stretches anywhere. All I know is that you’re completely incompetent."

He laughed angrily and retorted, "Really? Well, let’s take a vote, shall we? I’d stake my entire inheritance that I’d win against you in a..."

"A popularity contest?" she cut him off knowingly, "Yes, I’m sure you would...that’s the only thing you seem to work tirelessly at, Potter. Making everyone hate ME so that YOU can feel good about yourself."

"How I feel about myself has absolutely nothing to do with YOU, I assure you," he replied smugly.

She gave a little laugh that she didn’t feel and replied, "Oh, yes...I forgot. You think very highly of yourself. In fact, I think you are the most egotistical, self-satisfied person I have ever known."

His eyes grew enraged as the words issued from her mouth, although he kept the rest of his face deceivingly neutral, She wondered that she was actually getting to him with what she said, as she never would have expected it, but what he said next made any remorse she might have felt for her vitriolic tirade disappear.

"Evans," he said in a low, silky voice, "Your insults mean nothing to me, as I consider you the most desperate, pathetic little tattle-tale I’ve ever had the horror of meeting. You don’t deserve..."

"ENOUGH!" came a stern bark from further down the hall. James broke off, Lily heaved a breath, and the rest of the students in the corridor were reduced to bone-chilling silence as they looked upon the furious face of Professor McGonagall. She didn’t bother to approach them, but her face was so tense it looked about to crack as she snapped,

"You two...in my office. Immediately."

Lily cast James one last look of pure loathing, which he returned whole-heartedly, before turning on her heel and following the professor back to her office. Once inside, she motioned vaguely for them to sit and likewise seated herself behind her desk. Lily had never seen such a look on McGonagall’s face, and she was beginning to become very nervous. The professor didn’t say anything for a moment, but merely stared back and forth between the two of them. When she finally did speak, although it was in a relatively quiet tone, Lily almost jumped from the tension.

"This is the final...the FINAL straw. The other professors, the students and I have endured all we can from you two and now this ridiculous public animosity between you will come to an END."

She stood, and Lily followed her with her eyes, feeling the beginnings of cold shame weave their way into her stomach. She had known it was ridiculous before, but now it seemed even more so. The professor went on, pacing as she spoke,

"The roles of Head Boy and Girl are not to be taken lightly. You are entrusted with the heavy responsibility of setting an example for the older students and being role models for the younger ones. You are meant to work as a team...as _partners_. The bond between you is meant to be something that can be RELIED upon, and you are supposed to support each other. If you don’t agree on a certain point, you are meant to be able to work it out CIVILLY and in PRIVATE."

She came back around and sat down once again in her chair. After a brief pause, she continued,

"I’m sure it is improbable, if not impossible, that you two will ever hold each other in high personal regard. I believe it is safe to say that the opportunity for that has long passed. However," she glanced back and forth between them, "I’m sure I can say with great confidence that this kind of blatant and unneccesarily LOUD display of your mutual contempt will not occur again in the future. You may not like each other...but you WILL learn to work together. Do you understand?"

Lily nodded, and although she didn’t look at Potter she assumed he must be making some kind of affirmative gesture as well. McGonagall stood once again and concluded,

"You can start right now. I want you two to come to some kind of agreement before you leave this office, and in the future you are to begin taking your responsibilities seriously. I mean ALL of them...meetings, reports, everything. I don’t want to hear a single complaint for the rest of the year. Is all this quite clear?"

Lily nodded again, supposing she should be thankful that McGonagall didn’t relieve both of them of their titles. They would have deserved it in many ways. Without another word, the professor left them alone. After an awkward and highly charged moment, Lily decided she would speak first if only to end the silence.

"She’s right, you know."

He didn’t reply...merely sighed heavily. 

She went on, "We certainly don’t have to like each other...but let’s just agree not to contradict each other or argue with each other in _front_ of anyone anymore, alright?"

He looked at her grudgingly and replied, "Fine."

She heaved a sigh of her own and stood up to leave. Before she could get out the door, he asked tiredly, "What time are those Wednesday things, anyway? The ones in the library?"

She looked over her shoulder to find him rubbing his eyes wearily under his glasses. She replied, "Seven o’clock."

He nodded slightly, and ran his hands through his messy black hair as he stood. They didn’t say anything more to each other for the rest of the day, and Lily considered that although it wasn’t the best way to make things happen...at least there was the promise of some kind of change. Whichever way it was presented, things were going to be much easier for her from now on.

She hoped.

**To Be Continued in Chapter Two**

More Fic by Emmyjean at

The Hidden Tower

www.hiddentower.50megs.com 


	3. Boundaries

TITLE: "Crossroads"

AUTHOR: Emmyjean (emmyjeanb@yahoo.com)

CLASSIFICATION: J/L

RATING: PG-13

SUMMARY: In her seventh and final year at Hogwarts, Lily Evans finds herself facing a tragedy that leaves her life in pieces.  In her struggle to find her way in a suddenly unfamiliar world, she finds strength she never knew existed – both within herself and in a boy she’d always thought she’d known.

DISCLAIMER: Without JK Rowling, none of this would exist. Thanks to her for letting me play with her creation.

AUTHOR’S NOTES: **This fic has been REVISED AS OF JULY, 2003 to fit with Order of the Phoenix canon.  Please read details from author HERE.  **By the way…yes, I KNOW I left the character of Arabella Figg as she was in the first version!  Trust me. :)

** CHAPTER TWO:  Boundaries **

The Wednesday following the volatile incident in the corridor and subsequent meeting with McGonagall, Lily sat at her usual table in the library, glancing occasionally at her watch and sighing frustratedly.  It was a quarter past seven, and he was late...although she didn’t know why she had expected anything different.  She wondered if he was even going to come at all, but dismissed the idea in light of the fact that McGonagall was stopping just short of death threats this time.  She rolled her eyes...maybe she shouldn’t rely on it.  He could get out of anything as far as the professor was concerned. 

She glanced at the clock again, noting that he was now seventeen minutes late.  She wouldn’t mind so much, except that now he was wasting her time.  Just as she was considering simply getting up and leaving herself, he walked nonchalantly through the doors and looked idly around.  His gaze fell on her and his expression changed to a grimace as he regarded her.  He made no move to hurry his steps as he approached.  She narrowed her eyes at him slightly as he dropped his books on the table with an insolent thud.  He raised his dark brows at her and said flippantly,

“I should have known you’d be early, Evans.  How predictable.”

She glared openly at him now as she replied, “I’m _not_ early...I was simply here on time.  _You_ are late.”

He shrugged his shoulders, not even bothering to act surprised, and said quite insincerely, “Hmm...lost track of time.”

She heaved a great sigh inwardly, but kept her expression completely blank as he sat down and began fiddling with his things.  He didn’t say anything else, and she wondered when he was going to get down to it.  After about five more minutes of this, she asked,

“Well?”

He looked up and eyed her unpleasantly.

“Well what?”

She frowned and clarified as though she was talking to a three year-old, “Your notes? Shouldn’t we start?”

He quirked an eyebrow at her and replied, “Is there some reason why we should have to communicate, here?  I’d prefer if we just did our separate halves, and then got away from each other.”

She felt her blood boil at the implication that speaking with her was the worst thing imaginable as far as he was concerned – as if he was a picnic to be around.  She grew even angrier at the realization that the only reason she hadn’t been working on it beforehand was because she had been waiting for this meeting...and then waiting for him to show up at this meeting.  Expelling a breath, she decided she’d simply have to do it as she’d always done it...after all, what did he know?

Relieved to some extent that she could still work on her own, even if he was sitting directly across from her, she started jotting down some notes.  After about an hour of the both of them sitting in silence, he closed his parchment and stood. She glanced up, and he didn’t look back at her as he gathered his things.  Before she could ask him anything, he walked away, calling sarcastically over his shoulder as he left,

“It’s been fun, Evans.”

She glared at his back as he strode away, and thought to herself how good it would feel to plunge a dagger right between his shoulder blades.  Smiling slightly, as that thought made her feel morbidly better, she settled back in to finish up before she, too, gathered her things together and went back to the Tower.  If this was how it was going to be, that was perfectly fine with her.  The less talking they had to do with one another, the better.

Climbing through the portrait hole a few moments later, she was surprised to find that Helen and Arabella were nowhere to be found.  Frowning slightly, she decided they must be in the dorm for some reason and headed up the stairs.  As she got closer to the end of the hall, she could hear a ruckus going on in the fourth-year dorms.  Just as she was about to knock on the door, it flew open to reveal Arabella, her wavy black hair pulled back and her eyes flashing, making her look even more dramatic than usual.

“Lily, thank Merlin!  I was just about to come find you!” she exclaimed, grabbing Lily’s wrist and pulling her inside.

“What is it?” Lily asked, concerned, as she glanced around the room and found Helen standing in the corner with four very distraught-looking girls, “What happened?”

“Oh, we’ve got a problem,” Arabella said, a tinge of humor in her voice that only Lily could detect, “The fifth-years were trying to play around with hair charms, and...well...”

“It went horribly wrong!” one of the younger girls interrupted tearfully.  Lily raised her eyebrows and set her books down on someone’s bed as she walked over to where they were all standing.  They looked like they had just seen something horrible, huddled in the corner as they were.

“Well, what’s the...oh.  Oh, dear.”

As she got closer to the group, she began to smell something funny...and soon realized that the poor girls had burned off quite a bit of their hair.  Struggling not to smile, Lily asked, “What charms did you try to use?”

“They aren’t  sure,” Helen replied, lifting a singed section of brown hair on one girl’s head to inspect it, “It all got out of hand, and then...well, no one remembers exactly what they did.  They were frantic by the time they came to get us.”

Lily stepped up behind one of the other girls and took a handful of her hair...it looked worse than it actually was, she could already tell.   She glanced up to look at the girl in the mirror and, catching her eye, the girl sniffed,

“Can you help, Lily?”

Lily smiled warmly at the girl’s reflection and replied, “Of course...it’s really not all that bad.  Honestly.”

She could practically feel the relief that was washing over the fourth-years’ faces, and as Lily pulled out her wand Helen commented cheerfully, “You see?  I told you she’d be able to fix it...Lily’s wonderful with charms.”

“Yeah,” Arabella chimed in, sitting down heavily on one of the beds, “I don’t know why we didn’t just get her in the first place.”

“Well,” Lily answered, trying to think of what charm would work best as she combed her fingers gently through the first girl’s hair, “I was in a meeting, anyway.”

“Oh, I forgot,” Bella said sarcastically, “Your Wednesday night torture session.”

“Shh,” Lily reprimanded, thinking that the younger girls didn’t need to hear this, “I’m thinking.”

Arabella closed her mouth, but didn’t wipe the frown off her face.  A fourth-year Lily recognized as Genevieve Townsend came to sit next to her friend, on whom Lily was currently working, and asked, “Why _do_ you and James Potter hate each other?”

Lily shrugged and replied vaguely, “Oh, I don’t know that we _hate_ each other.  We just don’t see things the same way.” 

Arabella snorted, and Lily shot her a look as Genevieve went on, “But you’re both so nice.  I just don’t get it.”

Helen saved Lily the trouble of answering and said diplomatically, “Well, even nice people have their differences.  You know how it is.”

Arabella smiled mischeviously and added, “Sure...plus the fact that Lily’s about the only girl in the school who doesn’t want him to take her to the north tower balcony.” 

“Bella!” Lily reprimanded laughingly, nearly missing her mark as she jarred her wand, “Stop it!  You’re so ridiculous.”

The north tower balcony was huge and hard to get to, which made it an ideal place for couples to go to be alone.  Everyone knew about it, and it was the subject of many jokes and a lot of bawdy conversations.  The girls all giggled, and Genevieve replied,

“It’s probably true.”

Her friend, who Lily later learned was called Rachel, added, “Yeah...all the boys think you’re pretty, Lily.”

Lily blushed slightly and admonished softly, “Oh, come off it...and stop moving your head!”

“Well, can you blame them?” Arabella said, flopping onto her stomach and eyeing Lily with sparkling eyes, “You’re one of the most underrated witches in the school when it comes to looks, you know.  It must irk him that you wouldn’t give him the time of day, should he ever ask.”

Lily rolled her eyes at Arabella, but she was smiling just the same as she replied, “I don’t give it much thought, and I can assure you all that James Potter gives it even less thought than I do.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Bella countered despite Lily’s warning look, “Seems to me that he thinks about it pretty often.”

“What?” Lily asked incredulously.

“Well,” she continued, “He spends a good amount of time on the north tower balcony.”

There was another chorus of laughter, and Lily shook her head.  This was probably the most ridiculous conversation they had ever had, and it was unfortunate that they were having it in front of the fourth-year girls.  

“Arabella, I promise you...I will never end up in the north tower balcony with ANYONE,” she said pointedly, mostly for the benefit of the impressionable fourth-years who were hanging on their every word.  She didn’t want all of _them_ to end up there one day.  “Now can we please drop the subject?”

Arabella smirked at her, and raised her eyebrows as she replied, “Alright...alright.  I guess I don’t blame you.”

“But he _is_ handsome,” Olivia, who had just taken her friend’s place in front of Lily, remarked with a certain dreamy quality to her voice that made Lily’s stomach churn.  Why did they all have to get like this when speaking of him…sometimes it DID seem to her as though she and her friends were the only girls in school that _didn’t_ have that reaction.

“Handsome isn’t everything,” Bella countered, rolling onto her back now.  Lily shook her head and said,

“Okay, enough talking about him.  Let’s talk instead about what you girls want us to do with your hair once it’s all back the way it was.”

“You’re gonna do our hair?” the last girl, Eve, asked excitedly.

“Sure!” Helen replied, taking out her own wand, her dark eyes lighting up, “Why not?  You’ve had such a scare, it’s only fair.”

They spent the next few hours with the girls, experimenting with different charms and such for hair and facial enhancements.  The makeup charms were something Lily was reluctant to show them, as it would be a much worse problem were these girls to burn their faces one night instead of simply their hair, but in the end she relented.  She and her friends taught them a few correct charms for hair, and after a few hours they left for their own dorm.  Once there, Lily pulled out a letter she had gotten earlier that day from her mother and finished it.

“What’s your Mum have to say, Lil?” Arabella asked as she stood in front of the mirror, brushing her hair.  Lily smiled...Arabella had always liked her parents, and vice versa.  They had spent a couple of summers together since their first year, and living in each other’s houses had made them practically a part of each other’s families.

“Oh,” Lily replied cheerfully, “She just wrote to tell me that Dad tried to fix the kitchen sink on his own the other day.”

Arabella smirked at this, and Helen giggled.  It was well known that her father was not any kind of handyman, and usually fouled up anything that he was trying to repair.  

“Need I even ask what happened?” Bella commented wryly, and Lily replied,

“No...you can imagine, I’m sure.  He ended up very wet...and he shorted out the refrigerator, so now it won’t work, either.  All our ice cream is melting and the milk is going bad.”

Helen and Arabella burst out laughing at the image, and after the hilarity had died down, Lily added mischeviously, “And...because of an incident with a certain wayward jet of water coming from the newly-created hole in the wall, the cat won’t go within ten yards of him.”

Another fit of giggles ensued, and Helen gasped, “I’ll bet your mother’s so brassed off at him!”

Lily chuckled and confirmed, “Well, this letter was to inform me of their impending seperation...but I get one of those every week, so I should think it’ll blow over in a few days.”

Later, after she had written her Mum back and struggled with her usual bout of homesickness that always hit when she received a letter from home, she she took an extra look at herself in the mirror as she put on her nightdress.  Arabella was right...she wasn’t plain.  Unlike the other girls, she didn’t wear any makeup on a daily basis and didn’t fuss too much with her hair...but she supposed her features stood out to an extent on their own.  Especially her eyes, she thought, leaning in a bit closer.  She had always hated her red hair, but had at the same time been secretly proud of her bright green eyes.  They were surely her best feature.

Smiling a little at her rare display of vanity, she pulled her hair back out of her face and climbed into bed.  

As the weeks went by, the forced accociation between herself and Potter grew more and more strained.  It was true that they had always been made to work together to some extent, but now they were no longer able to get their frustrations out in their regular venting.  They had to hold everything in as long as people were around, and usually that meant it all came out tenfold when they were in private.  Lily had gotten to the point now where she could barely stand to look at him without wanting to scratch his eyes out, and she imagined he felt much of the same towards her.  She said as much to Arabella in the common room one night as they were studying.

“Well, why _don’t_ you scratch his eyes out?” Arabella suggested, rather unhelpfully.  Lily rolled her eyes without looking up from her book and replied,

“That’s really good, Bella.  I’m so glad you’re here to give me advice on these matters.”

Arabella laughed lightly, and they went back to studying, having exhausted their means of conversation for the moment.  Not more than three minutes later, the portrait hole opened and a few sixth year girls came walking through.  Arabella looked up, frowned, and then slammed her book shut as she asked,

“Where’s Cindy?”

Lily glanced at the group of girls, who eyed her nervously.  They must think I’m going to take points if they tell, Lily thought with an inward smile.  After a moment, Vivian cleared her throat and answered, “She’s not here.”

“Yeah,” Arabella replied sarcastically, “I can see that much.  What I’m asking is...where _is_ she, if she’s not with you lot?”

Lily, having grown bored with the conversation, turned her attention back to her book.  The girls, apparently deciding that she was not dangerous at the moment, giggled a bit to each other and one of them said, “She’s...indisposed.”

“Doing what?” Arabella asked with no little amount of impatience.  Lily looked up at her, wondering what this was all about.  Who cared where Cindy Manning was right now...she hadn’t even known Arabella ever spoke to the girl.

“You know already, don’t you?” Vivian replied suggestively.  Arabella frowned deeper as she turned to Lily and whispered, 

“Yeah, right...I don’t believe it.  Come on, we have to go do something.”

“What?” Lily demanded as Bella grabbed her wrist and practically hoisted her to her feet as the other girls walked up the stairs to the dorm.  After stubbing her toe on the leg of the table as she got dragged to the portrait hole, Lily pulled out of Bella’s grasp and asked, grimacing,

“What in the world is going on?  Where are we going?”

Arabella looked back at her almost impatiently and said, “We’re going to the north tower balcony.”

“What!?” Lily exclaimed, stepping back, “Why?”

“Because,” Bella explained almost desperately, “We have to see if Cindy Manning is up there.”

“Who cares if she is?” Lily asked, irked.

Bella turned to her with an eyebrow raised and replied, “I should think you would...I mean, you’re Head Girl.”

“Oh,” Lily muttered dismissively, waving a hand in the air, “We only raid that place when McGonagall tells us to.  You think I really _care_ what these people do up there?”

“Don’t you?”

“No...in fact, I think I’d rather not know, so if you don’t mind...”

“I NEED to go up there!” Bella almost whined, grabbing Lily’s wrist again, “I made a bet with Cindy earlier that she couldn’t get Ted Hawk up there tonight with her...and I don’t believe she’s really there.  I think her friends are lying.”

Lily stared at Bella and then shook her head incredulously as she replied, “You’re the most ridiculous person I have ever met.  Why would you do a thing like that?”             Bella nodded as if to confirm her stupidity as she explained, “I don’t know, alright?  It just came up somehow...and well, I can’t go up there alone.”

“Why not?”             “Because, you idiot!  No one goes up there by _themselves_!”

“Bella!” Lily exclaimed loudly, “I hardly think that having ME there makes it any less pathetic!  Actually, I think you’d be better off alone.”

“Anyway,” Bella said, ignoring her, “I need an excuse to be up there, in case I get caught.  Come on, please?  We’ll just take a small peek.”

Lily rolled her eyes so high she thought they might pop out of her head, but she nevertheless followed Bella out the portrait hole and down the corridors to the balcony in question.  

“I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this.”

“Oh, come on,” Bella said, smiling mischeviously, “Who knows what we might see up there?”

“That’s what’s got me worried,” Lily smiled back reluctantly.  They made their way through the passages and down the dark hallways that led to the elusive north tower, and Lily thought she might die laughing once she got halfway there.  

“Or maybe,” Arabella was saying, “We’ll see Professor Binns and the Grey Lady!”

Lily failed in her attempt to stifle her fit of giggles, and the sound reverberated through the deserted corridor.  She slapped a hand over her mouth and glanced at Arabella through watery eyes, finding her just as hard-pressed to hold in her own laughter.

“Bella,” she said when she could breathe again, “Would you stop it?  What if we get caught coming up here?”

Bella grinned and replied, “Then a whole lot of people are going to get the wrong impression.”

They didn’t try to restrain themselves this time...they found that it actually ended up being louder if they did.  After what seemed like a million years, they approached the doorway leading to the balcony holding their laughter-sore stomachs.  There was no door, so Arabella peeked cautiously around the corner and looked this way and that.  She then turned back to Lily and beckoned her forward.

“No one on this side...we have to go all the way around.”

“Why?” Lily asked, suddenly very unsure about all this, “Can’t you just...”

“No!” she whispered vehemently, “Come on, now!  You promised.”

Lily followed, even though she was pretty sure she hadn’t promised anything.  Even though they had been laughing about it a minute ago, she was suddenly worried about what she might see up here.  Every other time she’d been here, she had been instructed by McGonagall to do her duty as Head Girl...now, she didn’t have an excuse, and it was somehow making her feel guilty.  As though she had no business being here.

“Bella...just find her and let’s get out of here.  This feels wrong.”

“Oh, she won’t be here...trust me.  And anyway, what do you mean this feels wrong?  I promise you that of all the people who have ever come up here, we have the purest intentions.”

“Yes, but...”

“Ha!” Bella interrupted, her eyes alight with triumph as she rounded the last bend in the huge wraparound balcony, “I KNEW it.  I knew she wouldn’t be here...that little sneak.  I wonder where she _really_ is...hiding in a classroom somewhere?”

“Well, you’ll find out tomorrow.  Now come on...”

But before Lily could finish, they heard giggling coming from the corridor beyond the doorway.  Looking at each other with wide eyes, they both had the same idea.  Diving behind the nearest stone sculpture – which just so happened to be of Cupid – they huddled up to make sure they were completely out of view of the approaching couple.

“Why did we DO this?” Lily whispered frantically to Bella as the giggling grew louder, “We should have just pretended I WAS clearing the place out!”

“Well,” Bella said, casting a rueful glance at the wall beside them, which was almost completely covered with carvings of various names-within-hearts, “It’s too late now.  We just have to stay here until they leave...but hopefully, they’ll go to the other side.”

It was not to be.  The couple stopped almost directly across from where they were sitting...and Lily thanked the Lord it was a huge area, otherwise they would have been spotted for sure.  As it was, from what they could deduce by listening to them, they were a good twenty-five feet away from the culprits.  Lily cast a frustrated look at Bella, who shrugged in return.  They each scooted further back against the wall, resigned to something of a wait.  The girl, whoever she was, giggled yet again.  Bella rolled her eyes.

“What kind of loose girl comes up here with a boy?  I mean, _really_.”

Lily smiled and pointed at the wall beside them.  “THOSE girls did, apparently.”

They scanned the wall for a few minutes, looking unsuccessfully for names they knew and trying not to listen to the unmistakable sounds of kissing coming from the couple on the other side of the balcony.  They couldn’t make any sudden movements, as the half-moon was particularly bright this evening and the people might catch their shadows.

“They aren’t much for talking, are they?” Bella remarked, shifting her eyes suggestively in the direction of the duo.  Lily stifled a chuckle and replied,

“This isn’t where people come to _talk_.”

Bella grinned and they fell silent again, staring up at the stars.  All things considered, it was actually a very lovely evening.

“Stop...stop it!” the girl admonished playfully, causing Lily and Arabella to stick their fingers in their throats and almost lose it laughing again.  They couldn’t make out the response of the boy...it was muffled.

“Mr. _Potter_...don’t be fresh,” came the girl’s coy voice again, and Lily felt her eyes nearly pop out of her head.  Arabella threw her hand over her mouth and slammed her eyes shut in a violent struggle not to burst into hysterical laughter.  Lily could feel her stomach churn...this was absolutely disgusting, not to mention thoroughly unfair.  Of all the people she could have been stuck up here listening to, it HAD to be him.

“I don’t believe it!” Bella finally whispered, her voice shaking with mirth.

“Neither do I,” Lily said sourly, although she couldn’t help smiling with her friend, “I must have the worst luck in the universe.”

“I wonder who _she_ is?” Bella frowned, craning her neck to look over the statue’s bent knee.

“Careful, you ninny!” Lily hissed as she tugged on Arabella’s sleeve. 

“Oh, I might have known,” Bella muttered, landing back on her rear end with a thump, “It’s that little Ravenclaw tramp...you know, the one with the fake hair.”

“Who?” Lily asked, sincerely confused.

“YOU know...the prefect.  Camilla, or whatever.  The one who enhances her hair with her wand every morning and ends up looking like rats nest in her pillow at night.”

Lily thought hard, running through the Ravenclaw prefects in her mind, and finally coming up with a name.  “Oh...Carmelina Thompson?”

“Yes...what kind of a name is that, anyway?  He must have broken it off with Anne Ball _again_.” Bella scoffed, glaring at the statue beside them as though she could see clear through it.  Lily frowned and remarked,

“Oh, yeah...why do I feel like they’d been together for awhile?” 

Bella shook her head and replied, “It’s not as long as you think...they’re on and off all the time, since fifth year.  He always ends up back with her eventually...as soon as he’s done with Carmelina, he and Anne’ll be back up here.”

Lily made a face and said,  “Yuck...he’s using HER as a distraction?” She inclined her head in Carmelina’s direction and said, “I guess I wouldn’t put it past _him_.”

Arabella smirked and replied, “He’s not as bad as his pig friend...that Black.  The pair of them have probably had every girl currently enrolled in Hogwarts up here at one time or another.”

Lily blinked innocently at her and asked, “Why are you limiting it to _currently_ enrolled girls?”

Bella worked to hold in a laugh, and then replied, eyes sparkling with humor, “For that matter...why am I limiting it to currently enrolled _girls_?”

They fell on each other, straining to keep silent while gasping for air.  It didn’t seem as though their unwitting companions were listening, however.  Lily rolled her eyes and winced as the noises coming from beyond the statue grew slightly louder and more urgent.

“Seriously, though,” Bella whispered, her face now reflecting pensiveness as she jerked her thumb in Potter’s general direction, “I think that, of the two of them, _he’s_ probably worse.”

“How so?” Lily asked.

“Well, at least Black doesn’t put on any airs.  He’s only in it for one thing, and everyone knows it.  Potter...well, he gets his kick out of charming girls.”

“Oh?” Lily asked, not really listening all that well.  She was trying to see if there was any other way they could leave without being spotted...and it didn’t look good.

“Yeah,” Bella replied, now using her wand to scratch onto the stone wall, “I mean, he actually makes them like him.  Then, when he decides he’s had enough and wants to move on to the next victim...or go back to his semi-steady girlfriend...he leaves a broken heart behind.”

“Well,” Lily replied flippantly, “Anne’s no innocent either...she has her pick of boys.  And anyway, any girl who’s stupid enough to date THAT jerk deserves to have her heart broken...shhh!  What are you doing?”

Bella stopped scratching the wall with a self-satisfied smile, and when Lily leaned in to look at what she had been doing she was torn between laughter and horror.  There, carved in the rock, was, “Lily Evans & Arabella Figg Were Here”.

“Bella!” Lily admonished softly, but Arabella couldn’t answer...she was laughing too hard. “What do you think you’re doing!?  What are people going to think!”

“Oh, who’s gonna see it?”

“I don’t know...someone, somewhere along the line!”

“Come on, Lil,” Bella shook her head, “Whoever it is probably won’t even know who the hell we are.  It’ll be a nice little mystery to wonder about.”

“Yeah, whatever you say,” Lily replied unenthusiastically.  Bella leaned up again to peek, muttering,

“Oh, just get it over with, already!  How long can it _take_?”“Shut up, will you?” Lily said, “You’re the one that got us into this in the first place.  Helen’s probably looking all over the place for us.”

“Well, I’ll bet you ten galleons she doesn’t even THINK to look up here.”

Lily sighed, conceeding this, and asked, “Well?  Are they still there?”

Bella sat back down and leaned her head against the wall, replying, “Depends on what you mean by ‘there’.  I don’t think they’re quite here, if that’s what you mean.  Looks like they’re in a world of their own, if you ask me.”

“Okay,” Lily clarified, giving Bella a look, “So they’re still STANDING there, then?”

Bella nodded and grinned, “I hope they _remain_ standing, too.”

Lily suddenly felt nauseous and asked, “Is there any reason to believe they won’t?  I mean...what’s going on out there?”

Bella smiled evilly and replied, “Why don’t you look for yourself?”

Lily smiled and shook her head as she declared laughingly, “I don’t think I will, thanks.”

Arabella laughed softly and answered, “It looks like it’s getting a bit heavy.  Honestly...what a little hussy.”

“Well,” Lily replied, “It’s HIS crime as much as it is hers.  I mean, _really_...he’s Head Boy!  THIS is the example he sets?”

“I know.”

“And with a PREFECT no less.  I mean,” Lily continued, suddenly angry, “THIS is why I get so frustrated.  This is a perfect example of why I don’t respect him in the least.”

“Lily,” Bella shushed, causing Lily to clamp her mouth shut.  She had been getting a trifle loud.  Suddenly, they heard James voice say huskily,

“What did you say?”

“I didn’t say anything,” came the breathy response.  Lily and Arabella wrinkled their noses at each other and smiled again...it was actually very funny.  Bella straightened up a bit and continued,

“You don’t have to convince _me_ , you know.  I agree with everything you say regarding him.  I really do...and I don’t think I’m the only one.”

“Oh, come on...everyone’s on his side.”

“That’s not true,” Bella objected quietly, “I think you exaggerate your disadvantage.  They may not hate him like you do, but there are plenty of students who know very well that you’re the one who gets the job done, and respect you for it.”

Lily nodded, not sure whether or not Bella was only saying this to make her feel better.  Still, she had a point.

“James...we should stop,” came the voice of Carmelina, sounding rather winded.

“Mmm...” he replied.  Lily shuddered...this was her punishment for coming up here in the first place.

“ _James_...come on.  We can’t go further.”

“We can’t?” he replied, a smile evident in his voice.

“Not _tonight_ ,” she replied, her tone laden with implication.  Bella banged her head against the wall and rolled her eyes back into her head while Lily tried not to giggle.

“We have to get back...come on.  I promise, we’ll come back later.”

He didn’t say anything more, but they could hear the rustle of robes being righted and the sounds of kissing once again.

“Come ON, already!” Bella said again, “You’re making me sick!”

As though they had heard her, James and Carmelina walked to the door and back into the castle, their footsteps receeding as they went.  Bella leaned up cautiously to make sure they were gone before standing up completely, her knees cracking.

“Good Lord!” Bella exclaimed, rubbing her backside, “I thought they’d _never_ leave!”             “I know, but let’s stay here a minute just to make sure we don’t run into them in the corridors on the way back.”

Bella quirked an eyebrow at her and said, “Don’t get any ideas, Lily...I’m not one of those girls.”

Lily glanced up at her, and all at once they both burst into hysterical laughter.  They laughed until they were both gasping for air, and then some.  By the time they got back to their dorm, they were both so exhausted they couldn’t even explain to a very irate Helen where they’d been.  Promising they’d tell her in the morning, they went to bed...and Lily was comfortable in the strange feeling that she somehow had an advantage over James Potter.  She knew something he didn’t.

As silly as it was, it lent her some sort of small confidence.

The following Wednesday, as she waited for him in the library for their weekly meeting, she was still thinking about something that had been on her mind for ages. He came in and sat down, and she bit back the urge to laugh as she thought about the last time she had seen him...or rather, _heard_ him.  She decided this might be a bad idea, however, and so she didn’t waste any more time.

“I have to talk to you about something.”

He glanced up at her and sighed, annoyed, “I can’t tell you how shocked I am.  Well, what now?”

She rolled her eyes and replied, “Look, I wasn’t going to bring this up, but it really has gotten out of hand.  I think we should enforce some kind of rule about moving the furniture around in the common room.”

He leaned his head back and expelled a breath, groaning, “Bloody hell, Evans...”

She slammed her book shut and whispered fiercely, “Don’t swear at me!  I’m serious, it’s getting ridiculous...when I walked in last night, ALL of the chairs were on the other side of the room.”

He leaned forward in his chair now and retorted, “Yeah, you know who did that?  Me.  Me and my friends...and now I’d like to know what the big bloody deal is.”

She narrowed her eyes and couldn’t help letting her voice get a bit louder, even as she struggled not to let Mrs. Hoodwinkle overhear.  “It looks terrible, and it only inconveniences other people.  If you MUST move the furniture around, you should at least have the courtesy to put it back.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but she wasn’t finished.  Cutting of his response, she said, “And I do not appreciate your cursing so much at me.  For that matter, you use words like that entirely too much in front of the younger students.”

He looked puzzled for a moment, then smirked and said, “This isn’t cursing, Evans.  You wanna hear cursing?  I’d be happy to...”

“No, thank you.  Just quit it.”

He leaned back and ran his hands roughly through his jet black hair.  Sighing a bit more loudly than she would have liked, he snarled in a sudden and unexpected burst of frustration,  “Dammit, you’re driving me _mental_!  You _need_ to lighten up!”

She replied, “Don’t tell me what I need.  I’m just trying to...”

“Get me arrested for committing murder...which is what’s gonna happen if you don’t leave me the hell alone about all this stupid, senseless stuff!”

She dropped her pencil and leaned further over the table, replying angrily, “It’s your JOB to worry about this “senseless stuff”, haven’t you LEARNED that by now?  For God’s sake, I...”

“Didn’t you hear what I said?” he asked harshly, “I said lighten up.  For the sake of everyone’s sanity, PLEASE...just stop talking.”

She had had enough.  Without another word, she shoved her book into her bag and grabbed the rest of her papers.  Standing up, she regarded him with barely concealed contempt and, shooting a glance in Mrs. Hoodwinkle’s direction to make sure she wasn’t taking note of all this, she said, “You want me to stop talking, eh?  Okay, fine...you got your wish.  I’m leaving...let’s see what you make of doing all the work YOURSELF for once.”

She went to walk past him and out of the library when he said on a low, assured voice, “You can’t.  What about McGonagall?”

She looked back at him, one eyebrow raised.  Truth be told, if felt really good walking out on _him_ for once.  “Oh...I doubt she’ll know.”  

With that, she turned on her heel and walked out without a backward glance.

Upon leaving the library, Lily felt none of the self-assurance she would have assumed she’d feel after having given Potter a taste of his own medicine.  Instead, she found herself with an uneasy stomach and a spinning head.  The rush she had felt when she decided to leave had quickly drained away, leaving in its wake insecurity and doubt.  Deciding she didn’t want to return to the common room to face the questions of her friends, she opted instead to take a walk around the school.  She wanted time to herself to sort things out.

As much as she denied to herself and others that her rivalry with James bothered her,  the truth was that it did.  It caused her an immense amount of stress, and she thought about it often even when she wasn’t around him.  She could barely remember what had started the whole thing in the first place...she supposed it had been that incident in fifth year with the fire, but she knew it had truly begun long before that.  There had been little things, indications that they simply had clashing personalities, but in their first few years at Hogwarts they had been too young to fully realize the extent of their differences.  She supposed it was merely because they hadn’t spoken much early on, so there weren’t many opportunities.  

Why was it that no matter what he said or did to her, she was still able to feel guilty for walking out on him in the library?

Just as she was about to turn around and walk back to the common room, the door to the classroom to her right opened and Albert Walker, a sixth-year Hufflepuff, emerged with a girl Lily did not quite recognize.  He froze when he saw Lily, and she smiled wryly at him in return.

“Oh, Albert,” she lamented playfully, “Why must you have such bad timing?”

He smiled, defeated, and said, “You’re gonna take points, aren’t you?”

She nodded regretfully and said, “Yeah...sorry.  But it’s only five each, so you’ll be alright.  Just do something really good tomorrow so a professor will give them back.”

Albert sighed and nodded, casting a glance at his girlfriend, who was blushing furiously.  Lily smiled at her, and this seemed to put the girl at ease a bit as she smiled shyly back.  Finally, Albert said, “Well, I guess we’d better get back, then.  See you, Lily.”

Lily bid them farewell and resumed her walk back to the Gryffindor common room.  She found it empty except for Arabella sitting alone by the fire when she walked in, and asked curiously where Helen was.  

“She’s gone to bed already,” Bella replied, shutting the book she had been flipping through, “I guess she didn’t feel well.  I said I’d go with her to the hospital wing tomorrow if she wasn’t better.”

Lily nodded and sat down across from her friend.  “Did you see Potter come through here?”

Arabella sighed and replied, “Yeah...he came through earlier, but then he and his ghastly friends left.”

Lily frowned and glanced at her watch...it was nearly ten o’clock.  “Where could they have gone?”

“Why?” Arabella asked, setting the newspaper she had been reading aside, “Did something happen?”

Lily sighed and stared into the fire for a moment before replying, “No...well, yes.  It wasn’t anything unusual, just another stupid argument.”

Bella tutted and said, “Instigated by the golden boy himself, no doubt.”

Lily bit her lip and confessed, “I walked out on him.”

Arabella’s eyes lit up in something akin to surprised pride and she replied, “Well...good.  He probably deserved it.”

Lily looked thoughtfully up at her friend and said honestly, “I’m not so sure about that anymore.  I mean, I can’t be totally blameless in all this, can I?”

“What do you mean?” Bella asked, frowning.

“Well,” Lily clarified, knowing this was the complete opposite of what she would have said had they had this conversation two hours ago, “Remember what Genevieve Townsend said that night...the night we were in there fixing their hair?  She was right...no one else in the school hates James Potter. In fact, he’s...very popular.”

There was a small silence as they contemplated this, and then Arabella asked, “So what?  _You_ don’t like him, and that’s all there is to it.”

“But I don’t really know him, do I?  And he...he doesn’t know me.”

Arabella leaned forward in her chair, a confused expression on her face as she pressed, “I don’t understand what you’re getting at...what’s _really_ bothering you?  Just say it.”

Lily shrugged in exasperation and replied, “I don’t know.  I’ve just been thinking that maybe...maybe I should try and fix things.”

“Fix things?”

“Yeah,” she finished, tucking her hair behind her ears, “You know...so that we can get along better than we have been.”

Arabella leaned back, expelling a breath as she did, and then said, “I know what’s gotten to you.  I knew it would happen sooner or later.”

Lily’s brow furrowed as she cast a sideways glance at Bella and asked, “What?”

Arabella looked her in the eye and replied, “You can’t stand being despised.”

“What?” Lily asked again, thrown off.  Arabella ran her hands through her hair and shook her head.

“Lily, it’s obvious...well, at least to me.  No one hates _you_.  You’ve never been truly hated in your life...”

“That’s not true,” she interrupted, leaning forward excitedly and pointing a finger as though she were defending herself, “My sister hates me.”

“That doesn’t count,” Bella waved her hand.

“Whyever not?” Lily asked indignantly.

“Because,” Bella said matter of factly, “Your sister, at least, has a reason behind her feelings...as ridiculous and prejudiced as it may be.  James Potter has no idea what you’re really like...and it irks you that he hates you anyway.”

Lily was about to open her mouth to veto this theory, but then sat back as she gave it more thought.  It was true to some extent...it did bother her that James hated her when he didn’t truly know her as a person.  However, that couldn’t be all there was to it...there was something else.  After a few moments of sitting in silence with Arabella, the answer dawned on her.

“You know what bothers me the most, though?” she said, talking in a low voice as if she were about to tell a secret.  Bella looked at her with raised eyebrows encouraging her to continue, and she went on, “It bothers me that what you’re saying is true...I do hate to be hated.  But it’s not just that...most of all, I can’t stand that it makes a difference to me but not at all to him.”

Bella frowned and asked, “What do you mean?”

Lily squinted, thinking about how she could explain this, and finally replied, “The fact that he hates me bothers _me_...but he could care less what I think of _him_.  Does that make sense?”

Arabella turned her gaze back to the fire and, after another moment, nodded.  “Yes...it actually does, knowing what I know of you.  You’ve always cared about what people think of you.”

Lily began to protest, “That’s not...”

“What I mean is,” Bella clarified, “Not that you’re dependant on other people’s opinions to define the way you are, but...you always did want everyone to think you were a good person.  Someone they could go to in a crisis, and all that.  It was always important to you...even before you became Head Girl.”

Lily didn’t say anything...she didn’t know what to say.  It wasn’t often that Bella got this serious in a conversation...she didn’t often need to.  After a moment, she went on, “The fact that Potter doesn’t care what you think of him implies that he doesn’t respect your opinion...and he’s made this clear more than once, anyway.”

“Yes, but why should I care about that?  I mean...why should I care if I dislike him anyway?”

“Because,” Bella replied, “His opinion influences others one way or another...and because you don’t deserve the hard criticism he gives you.”

“Sometimes I do...I can be hard to work with,” Lily said, unable to believe she was actually defending him.  Bella smirked slightly, catching this, and continued.

“You hold yourself up to the same standards you set for others, though...you’re anything _but_ a hypocrite, Lily.”

Lily shrugged, slightly embarrased by her friend’s praise.  Arabella seemed to realize this, because just as Lily was wondering how to respond, she said with finality, “If it’s that important to you, then I think you should do it.  Just approach him about it, and if he’s really as nice as people say he is with everyone but you...then he should also want to work things out.”

Lily nodded in agreement, relieved that she had someone to back her up, and the two of them got to talking about the upcoming summer.  They made plans to spend the summer together, splitting their time between their two houses...Arabella was full-blooded, and Lily was Muggle-born, so visiting with each others’  families was always an interesing prospect.  Helen would be invited too, of course, but she would probably be travelling with her family abroad, as usual.  After about forty-five minutes, the portrait hole swung open and in strode James and his friends, talking and laughing rather loudly.  They didn’t even look in their direction as they turned toward the stairs, and Lily jumped up.

“Sorry...James?”

He didn’t turn, but merely kept walking and talking to Sirius.  She felt Arabella nudge her in the back, and so she called again, “James?”

This time he stopped, but when he turned to look at her it was with an expression of such pure contempt that she felt her confidence withering as she walked a bit closer to where he was standing. 

“What?” he bit out.

She lifted her chin a bit and forced herself not to wring her hands in nervousness as she felt the distinctive pressure starting in her chest.  It was almost like stage fright, and she only got in when she was forced to come up with something clever or appropriate to say on the spot.  She wished she was better at this, but now was not the time to start thinking along those lines.

“I wondered if I could talk to you for a minute,” she said in what was perhaps the softest tone she had ever used with him.  She hoped her voice hadn’t shaken when she’d said it.  He eyed her insolently for a second, and then turned to his friends and muttered,

“Come on.”

She felt the heat rise unexpectedly to her face as her jaw dropped...surely he wasn’t going to leave her standing there?  “James!”

He stopped once again and turned around, a look of extreme impatience furrowing his brow.  He didn’t reply, but merely stood there waiting, and so she said, “It’ll only take a minute.  Please?”

He let out a dry laugh and replied condescendingly, “Well, you had the chance to talk to me before, and you bloody well didn’t take advantage of the opportunity, did you?  I think we’ll just leave it at that, Evans.”

He turned again to proceed up the stairs, and Lily was just drawing a breath to let him have a piece of her mind when she felt a hand on her arm...it was Arabella.  Lily had almost forgotten she was sitting there, and now she was regarding the four of them with an extremely cold look on her face.

“Forget it, Lil,” she said loudly, causing the boys to glance over their shoulders one last time, “You tried.  I guess we know now that you are simply the bigger person.”

Arabella was about to lead Lily up the stairs to the girl’s dormitories when Sirius Black turned and, with a suggestiveness evident in his tone, said in a low voice, “Oh, I dunno...I think _you’re_ bigger than _she_ is, Figg.  In certain...areas, at least.”

Black was leering at Arabella, and Lily felt her stomach drop to her feet as Potter gave a short laugh and smiled smugly at his friend in response.  _Never_ had they stooped to making these kinds of comments to her before...and although she knew it had been directed at Arabella, she had indirectly caught the tail-end of it.  In fact...the implication was worse for _her_.  She glanced at Arabella, and she didn’t think she’d ever seen her looking so furious.  Her eyes were narrowed dangerously, her cheeks flushed, and her chin was so high she was almost looking down her nose at Black.

“What did you say, Black?” she asked in a deceptively calm voice.  Lily saw all at once that this could be very ugly, and placed a hand on Bella’s sleeve to forstall an outburst.

“Bella...”

“Did I say something?” Black was asking James, who replied promptly,

“Naw...I didn’t hear anything.”

They both started to laugh, and suddenly Remus Lupin stepped forward.  “Come on,” he said simply to them, and they each shot one last look at Lily and Arabella before turning and following a blank-faced Remus up to their dorm.  The minute they were out of sight, Bella stated in a low voice,

“That was the most immature, piggish thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”

Lily was inclined to agree, but didn’t want to egg Bella on and so instead replied, “Yeah...well, they are just boys.  It’s only typical.”

Arabella snorted and replied, “Not BOYS...young MEN.  They are on the outside, anyway...they’re _acting_ like twelve year-olds.  Stupid, boorish, disgusting...”

“Well...let’s just forget it, okay?”

Bella turned to look at Lily incredulously as they went up the stairs and said, “You can’t mean that...you can’t mean you’re EXCUSING...”

“No, no,” Lily reassured her, propelling her gently through the door to the dorms, “I’m just saying that you shouldn’t take it personally sometimes.”

“That,” Arabella said, “Was VERY personal.  It was way out of line...and I think you should report it to McGonagall.”

Lily rolled her eyes and said, “No...that’s all I need.”

“Lily...have you really been insulted so often by that git that you aren’t even _affected_ by this?”

“Look, Bella,” she said with finality, too tired and put out to continue the conversation, “The fact is, I DID walk out on him today.  I started it this time.”

“But...”

“And,” she went on in a whisper, refusing to be interrupted as she dressed for bed, “I think I should just accept the fact that it’s much too late to fix anything now.  We hate each other, and that’s that...it’s gone on for too long and too many words have been exchanged.”

Bella didn’t seem happy with it, but she thankfully didn’t press any further as they got into bed.  As she drifted to sleep, however, Lily couldn’t help cringing at what Black had said.  She knew it was a comment that had been made simply to stir things up, and that it didn’t hold any meaning...but it somehow hurt all the same.  She decided that this was something she simply couldn’t stand for...it went against everything she had ever been taught, everything she had ever learned about herself...her entire code of ethics.  Bella was right...they had crossed a line tonight, and she couldn’t let the thick skin she had developed when it came to Potter blind her to what was right and what was absolutely wrong. 

Perhaps it was true that they’d never be able to get along _well_ , but at least they could come to some kind of understanding...and Lily was going to make sure this sort of thing never happened again.  Rolling over, she resolved to do it tomorrow...no matter what.

**To Be Continued in Chapter Three**

More Fic by Emmyjean at

The Hidden Tower

www.hiddentower.50megs.com 


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